suddenly, i wanted to know what you think of me..
as if it still matters..
wala lang..
{ mood } awake
Written by soulsmoker at 08:20 PM. Filed under my sweetest downfall.
have you ever experience this:
YOU VS. YOU...
{ mood } working
Written by jahcalvo at 01:55 AM.
NO GOODBYES!!!
114 days before Graduation...
more bonding moments...
i posted some of our pictures...
just some...(because for we have a lot..)
im gonna miss them...
{ music } never knew i needed
{ mood } nostalgic
Written by jahcalvo at 04:40 AM.
i heart those lines from Edward Cullen...
Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly?
Of course, I’ll always love you… in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it’s time for a change. Because I’m… tired of pretending to be something I’m not, Bella. I am not human
I promise that this will be the last time you’ll see me. I won’t come back. I won’t put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I’d never existed.
Don’t worry. You’re human—your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind.
You should probably know that I’m breaking the rules right now. Well, not technically, since he said I was never to walk through his door again, and I came in the window… But, still, the intent was clear.
The odds are always stacked against us. Mistake after mistake. I’ll never criticize Romeo again.
I thought I’d explained it clearly before. Bella, I can’t live in a world where you don’t exist.
I’m a good liar, Bella. I have to be.
You weren’t going to let go. I could see that. I didn’t want to do it—it felt like it would kill me to do it—but I knew that if I couldn’t convince you that I didn’t love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought I’d moved on, so would you.
After all the thousand times I’ve told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?
I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly believed that I didn’t want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept—as if there were any way that I could exist without needing you!
You’re not asleep, and you’re not dead. I’m here, and I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn’t want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy.
Only you could be more important than what I wanted… what I needed. What I want and need is to be with you, and I know I’ll never be strong enough to leave again. I have too many excuses to stay—thank heaven for that! It seems you can’t be safe, no matter how many miles I put between us.
Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars—points of light and reason… And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn’t see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.
My heart hasn’t beat in almost ninety years, but this was different. It was like my heart was gone—like I was hollow. Like I’d left everything that was inside me here with you.
I cannot be without you, but I will not destroy your soul.
You will always be the most beautiful thing in my world. Of course… If you outgrew me—if you wanted something more—I would understand that, Bella. I promise I wouldn’t stand in your way if you wanted to leave me.
I’ll earn your trust back somehow. It’s my final act.
Your hold is permanent and unbreakable. Never doubt that.
If there was only some way to make you see that I can’t leave you. Time, I suppose, will be the way to convince you.
You, at least, made an effort. You got up in the morning, tried to be normal for Charlie, followed the pattern of your life. When I wasn’t actively tracking, I was… totally useless. I couldn’t be around my family—I couldn’t be around anyone. I’m embarrassed to admit that I more or less curled up into a ball and let the misery have me. It was much more pathetic than hearing voices. And, of course, you know I do that, too.
You’re wounding my ego, Bella. I just proposed to you, and you think it’s a joke.
Because she’d rather you became one of the eternal damned than get married.
"Marry me"
{ mood } touched
Written by jahcalvo at 04:02 AM.
i haven't had this in a long time.
the last time i had a nightmare was when i really missed tatay, so much that i saw him slipping to the next life on my bare hands. the pain was suffocating, i was crying in my dream. when i woke up, i was sobbing literally. i was really scared, so scared that my next action was to find him, wherever he was just to tell him a few things, ask him a few questions, only to find out he didn't want me anymore, for some unintelligible reasons, only him knows. it really hurt, big time!
and then last night..
i saw you in my dreams. we were great, we were happy, we were inseparable. and then, you met somebody, a friend of mine. you acted weird. you treated her in a different way. i was taken aback. i saw pain. i saw you slipping away from me. . my heart is in deep pain, really deep pain, then i was crying, crying my heart out. suddenly, i cannot breathe. i woke up, grasping for air, heavily panting while astonishingly feeling the pain i felt in my dream, i felt the pang of jealousy, the hurt of you leaving me.. when i turned to check you. you were sleeping soundly, snoring, grinding your teeth, moving from side to side.. you are still here, physically but your not heart is not here anymore, malaysia maybe..?
i do not know what to say. i was suddenly scared, again.
of course it still hurts. but i can handle it.
p.s. u smell soo goood this morning.. i wanted to bite you... lol
{ music } true colors
{ mood } scared
Written by soulsmoker at 02:15 AM. Filed under my sweetest downfall.
"Hindi lungkot o takot ang mahirap sa pag-iisa kundi ang pagtanggap na sa bilyon-bilyong tao sa mundo, wala man lang nakipaglaban upang makasama ka."-Bob Ong
when I saw some couples together....
i told myself how lucky those people whom finally find that someone...
and when i saw some couples wherein the girl is not so good-looking and the guy is good-looking i am telling myself how lucky the girl is...lol...
But the truth is....
That quotation from Bob Ong hit me...
For now I know that no one is there to fight for me or choose to stay beside me…
But im not that hopeless and i am not looking for that someone as of now...
Coz i know someday....
One day will come...
That there will be one guy that will choose to be right by my side...
Hold my hand tight and would never let it go...
a guy that is brave enough to fight for me and to prove his love for me till the END...
{ music } 1,2,3,4
{ mood } hyper
Written by jahcalvo at 01:26 AM.
I m counting days...
30 days to go before Christmas
37 days to go hello 2010
and
114 days to go GRADUATION DAY!!!
{ music } sexy bitch
{ book } humanities notes
{ mood } hungry
Written by jahcalvo at 12:43 AM.
i love blogging because it is a place wherein i can freely express what i really feel....
i can put here my unsaid feelings...
i can tell anything under the sun...
i am just being myself...
and
i love reading other people's blogs...
i love it when i can relate/see myself in their story...
i love giving my comments...
{ mood } awake
Written by jahcalvo at 04:25 AM.
